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Posts tagged: gender
Danish Government Side Event: “Social Control as a means of violence against women”
I was so excited to attend this event because a) it was the one side event I got to this week* b) Scandinavian countries have some excellent best practices when it comes to carrying through their gender equality legislation and c) Michael Kaufman was speaking.
Social control and violence against women. Something frequently talked about in the context of developing countries, but not here (North America). I was very interested in this because it’s most relevant to my own lived experiences, but also because of technology and general cultural differences, violence manifests itself in different ways.
*This is Michael. He doesn’t always look so intense.*
The first to speak was Manu Sareen - the Danish Minister for Gender Equality and Ecclesiastical Affairs.
It was very clear that he was not just fulfilling the requirements of his job- but that he understood the reality of violence against women, and was passionate about his ministry’s work to end it.
Sareen presented statistical information about VAW in Denmark:
- Many women do not know that they can say no (to dating violence specifically)
i.e. “That even a soft slap is not okay”
- 97% of boys aged 12-14 in Denmark have watched porn. Not that watching porn specifically is the problem, but that they are too young to critically interpret what they are watching. When young boys think what they see in pornography is what their future partners should be comfortable doing, it can lead to violence when women do not give consent to those activities.
- Girls and boys used to feel comfortable enough to shower together after gym class in the boys and the girls locker rooms. Now they do not. What changed?
Enter Lynn Featherstone. Lynn is a UK Minister in the department of International Development and is a violence against women champion.
She has started huge movements in the UK to promote healthy body image.
She gave us these stats -
- More than 6/10 girls are not comfortable with their bodies
- Over half of girls compare their bodies to celebrities’
Featherstone said that girls are putting themselves through an “unrelenting regime of self-improvement” and that “we should be furious at the waste of time and talent”.
It is a delicate balance between trying to be be the best version of ourselves, whatever that means to us, and not what other people say it should be, or what it should look like.
They’ve started a campaign in the UK called “This is Abuse” because many women and men do not know what constitutes as violence, and what is criminal.
“We need to take action not just on the symptoms of violence but the deep cultural roots that promote violence against women”
Enter, Dr. Michael Kaufman.
Michael is the co-founder of the White Ribbon Campaign and published author. I had the opportunity to help him out by doing a bit of research about all of the organizations across Canada that engage men in ending violence against women or involve men in their practice. The map I made is here.
If you’re interested, you can type in your postal code and see what organizations are close by.
Michael started off his talk by explaining that 1) 90% of our brains are formed after birth 2) our brains are sponges that soak up EVERYTHING. The physical, emotional, social reality around us.
Small things, for our wee little baby minds can have a profound impact. We’re socialized from a young age what is appropriate for our gender, and what is not. It’s what creates the “gender box” and why gender policing is a big part of society and one of the main influences of VAW.
I don’t want to share all the stories he told because well, they’re great stories and you should really just hear him speak. Plus I will feel like I’m stealing. But… I’ll share this one:
A woman he knows had her baby out on a walk. A man asked if he could hold the babe, and he did. The babe was dressed in a little paid shirt and overalls, lumberjack style. He tossed the baby up in the air and made some comments about him being a little bruiser. The mom said, well actually, she’s a girl. The man immediately stopped throwing the baby around and started to cradle her, cooing.
So, baby learns: girls are taken care of, they are delicate.
Conversely: boys are independent and are prepared for anything that is thrown at them. Literally.
Michael isn’t afraid of the F-Word (feminism). Actually he co-wrote this book “The Guys Guide to Feminism”
So this is what Michael ended his bit with:
“The {feminist} movement has made the world a much better place for women, but also a much better place for men …Violence is a compensatory mechanism to prove you are the man you think you should be… We need to start putting the “Men’s” back into the phrase, violence against women because without talking about where it’s coming from, we can’t work towards a solution.”
Yeah it’s a bit fragmented but - whaddya want! I’m not a personal stenographer. :D
Randi Iverson (don’t have her title/job/organization) then shared about a great campaign that educates youth about violence perpetrated though technology. It’s called “I don’t forward violence”.
Victim blaming has seeped into the area of violence through technology.
“Well she shouldn’t have taken that picture in the first place”
“She should just change her number!”
“Why doesn’t she just ignore him?”
It is not the victim’s responsibility to end the violence being inflicted on her.
This campaign is educating people about the devastating effects of bullying, harassment and exploitation through our new tools of communication.
All of the speakers points flowed really well together - which I really appreciated since some of the workshops I’ve attended have been really disorganized.
It was so great to hear about what initiatives were going well in other countries similar to Canada. I strongly suggest checking out the links I spread throughout this post to learn more. Lots of people are doing things that we’re not doing in Canada - we could take some notes!
Like - maybe re-open the Status of Women offices Harper closed, and get some male MPs active in this issue! Especially what with this Senator Brazeau business so out in the open…
Tomorrow I go home! But I will be blogging more about what I’ve been learning. This even took place on Tuesday, so I’ll have workshops from Wednesday and Thursday to catch you all up on :)
* During the CSW there are two kinds of events, side events sponsored by governments and parallel events run by NGOs. Usually these are all held on the UN grounds, but because of asbestos removal the space is limited - so only two representatives per NGO are allowed at the side events at one time. You’d think the asbestos removal would have happened long ago, and much faster seeing as well - ALL WORLD LEADERS GATHER THERE. Now you know - not only is the UN slow to protect the world, but slow to protect themselves too!
I’m still catching up with my writing, so this is a recap of another workshop I went to on Monday - even though it is now Wednesday!
By far, this is the workshop where I have been exposed to new information. It was about Female Genital Mutilation. I took lots of notes and I hope you can learn something too! I took pictures but most somehow got deleted off of my phone.
*Trigger warning for information about clitoral excision*
Female Genital Mutilation
In countries where female genital mutilation is practiced, it is not just men who defend it, but women too.
They argue that it is religion and a cultural practice, so it should not be stopped. And in fact, they accuse those trying to stop it as violating their right to freedom of religion.
My thoughts throughout this whole presentation was that this is the same argument that many Western activists use, the “cultural relativist” idea that we are just reifying colonial power by enforcing our eurocentric values on African women. There is also a perspective that anti-FGM activists are only White. Both the cultural relativist and idea that anti-FGM advocacy is only White could not be more wrong.
Many of those who are in favour of FGM do not have access to the education they need to free themselves from the mindset that it is okay. The right to exit is a fundamental right humanity has. However, it does not count if the women do not have any knowledge of any other experience.
FGM is a patriarchal practice that in it’s basic form was rooted in Ancient Egypt and Greece. Even though women are pro-FGM and act as clitoral excisers themselves - this doesn’t mean FGM is not a patriarchal practice. People can and do participate in their own oppression.
Before FGM was made illegal, it was practices out in the open, with the whole village gathered around, dancing in celebration. This is both in Christian and Muslim villages.
The Nyatura people of Tanzania - one tribe of many in the country - practice ritual tooth extraction, clitoraldectomy and forehead burning as a rite of passage for their women.
In 1967 the TANU government banned FGM.
As it happens in other countries when they ban culturally practiced things, FGM moved underground. FGM was no longer publicly celebrated and made it harder to convict those performing it on women and girls.
To continue the practice of FGM, male chiefs and elders created the “Lawalawa” myth. They told parents that when their children have vaginal itching and infection it is “Lawalawa”, a curse from the ancestors because they have not yet excised the clitoris. This myth has no historical root in the Nyatura tribe. In fact, “Lawalawa” is a urinary tract infection or Thrush. But the Nyatura do not have access to medicine so FGM continues. The reason “Lawalawa” goes away after FGM is because the children are washed thoroughly washed and treated with herbal remedies. Generally, children are not bathed regularly and clean themselves with sand and dirt after defacation as opposed to with leaves which is the norm when they get older.
Not going through the transition of Ihongo means you are not a woman or suitable for marriage in the communities that practice FGM. So FGM has started to be practiced at a younger and younger age to make sure women will be married.
FGM is practiced at as young an age as 7 days old.
So - FGM is complicated. And it is a cycle.
But there is hope!
One of the panelists (didn’t get her name!) was the founder of the first African Women’s round table on FGM which happened in 1984 in Dakar, Senegal (I think that’s where). African women who had experienced FGM and those who had not came together to pressure the government and the UN to act.
In African countries, campaigns are being started, primarily supported by youth. Young men engaged to women who have not been excised wear pins that say “I am proudly marrying a woman who has not been excised” and women who have not been mutilated and are engaged to men wear complementing pins that say “I have not been excised and I am engaged”.
This is because there is still a social stigma and shame if you are not excised.
In Scandinavian countries, The Women’s Front (a radical feminist group) and a Nyatura women - Chiku Ali - started the program “Agents of Change” within immigrant communities. Through empowerment and story telling, women form honest, trusting relationships - and through this holistic approach, many women open up about their history with FGM and their conflicting feelings about continuing to practice clitoral excision in their new countries on their daughters.
Through education and self-realization, these women are finding their way - by way of their own accord - and not because people are handing out pamphlets and just telling them “FGM is wrong”.
Chiku also explained that really, the root cause of this is the patriarchal ignorance to the practical functions of ALL parts of the vagina. An example of this at a macro level is that even to this day, research funding for health issues relating only to women is substantially less than for men’s. Except breast cancer, but I’m sure you can connect the dots on that one. Women’s bodies have been made invisible by the lack of education and knowledge around them. Women’s bodies have been denied pleasure for centuries because patriarchy has “inceptioned” the idea that men deserve sexual pleasure and women do not, in fact it makes them dirty into our social consciousness. FGM is a practice that follows from that.
Only through reaching out to women and men with holistic and transformational education can we create real positive social change.
FGM can end.
Walk A Mile in Her Shoes was the first White Ribbon Campaign event I was a part of, and I was a part of it in a very intense, tangible way. Despite being in leadership positions before, this was the first time it involved activism. It was exhilarating! If I’m passionate about something, I have no problem devoting all of my time to it. I spent hours making posters, handing out fliers, and endearing my fellow “strutters”.
© Char Loro www.lovehard.ca
However, I spent most of my time encouraging my boyfriend and father, who were excited to walk, but were still struggling with what it really meant for them - straight white and black men - to be walking in heels.
© Char Loro www.lovehard.ca
My father, who is mainly a playwright but really involved in all things showbiz is used to the idea of costume. He really will wear anything. Unsurprisingly the sight of him in heels walked the very thin line of education and entertainment. The Toronto Walk a Mile event is held downtown during the work day, so it’s mostly the white collar 9-5 crowd that participates over their lunch hour. 9-5 white collar my father is not, and neither is the majority of the population so he made it his mission to represent. A 6’2, bald and bearded man dressed in a Canadian Tuxedo is a fearsome thing to behold. Compared to the clean shaven, suit wearing participants and uniformed officers, it is sufficient to say he stood out.
The looks he got went from what looked liked horror, to amusement, disgust to ambivalence. The courage it took to look like what some people might peg as a person who is ignorant, or maybe even violent - destroys preconceptions about who women matter to.
In my boyfriend’s case, there were a whole lot of other intersections that made his experience very different. Age for one thing - chirping from friends was not an issue whether lighthearted or not in my father’s case. There’s also the whole experience of doing it as a black man. Of course being a man in Canada gave both my father and him shared experiences, but we all know society is not post-racial and there are cultural expectations that clash heavily. More on that from the boyfriend’s perspective in part 2- to be posted tomorrow!
Despite being caught up in walking the walk, I came face to face with the boundaries and social norms that keep men in a tight - albeit, slowly changing - box of machismo. I saw men struggling with these boundaries to prove they could do it and to show the women in their lives they cared.
All the men who participated showed vulnerability, they made room for failure, embarrassment and possible emasculation all for the sake of those women who are and will become victims of violence. This act also encouraged men who feel so trapped by limited masculinity to seek help. Their support of the White Ribbon Campaign proved being a man does not necessitate aggression, and does not exclude strutting in heels.
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All the cool kids are doing it. Why aren’t you? Join numerous campus groups and our biggest Ryerson team yet as we walk to end violence against women.
Links:
Sponsor the Ryerson team this year
