When I came back from New York, I felt like I had been away for a month since I packed so much into my trip. When I came back to Toronto, I had to hit the ground running and it already feels like a month has passed. So much can happen in two weeks!

I went to this workshop over a week ago.

It was titled, “Innovative Practices to Combat Cultural Norms that encourage VAW”

This workshop was hosted by a group of Chechen women who all work in NGOs like shelters and community centers that focus on empowering women.

This group of Muslim women was lively and vivacious. While the civil wars may have taken a toll on their personal lives, it clearly had not broken their spirits. 

They started by sharing what the reality is for women in their country:

1. Polygamy, early marriage and honor killings are some of the greatest issues affecting women

2. 13 women in one woman’s village (population 300) in the last 5 years have been murdered via an honour killing

3. The number of honor killings and gender selective abortion (femmecide, gendercide) has been on an increase

4. Old Islamic traditions are returning such as stoning, female genital mutilation (though- these are not practices that actually are condoned in the Quran)

5. Infertile/barren women are divorced or forced into childcare for their husband’s new wives’ children

6. The mother-in-law is one of the main perpetrators of violence against women. As the husband is at work during the day, the wife often becomes the personal servant of the mother-in-law who carries out old traditions and bars her daughter-in-law from going to school or work.

As in all countries, poverty or not having access to proper resources is the main obstacle for leaving domestically abusive relationships. As in many countries, the constitution protects the rights of women but it is not enforced. As in many countries, women are afraid to appeal to the law because they are either not believed, blamed for the violence committed against themselves or the perpetrator is given impunity. 

There are terrible things that happen in Chechnya that aren’t so different from things that happen here in Canada.

There are some things that are quite different.

When asked “Do widows have rights?”

One of the women answered - “The best case scenario is that she gets to leave with the clothes on her back”.

Unless she has a son. Of course.

They also showed a clip of youths dancing together at a co-ed party. The clip is only 20 seconds long, but in the midst of the bodies coming together and moving apart, a group of men run in, snatch a woman up, throw her over their shoulders and run out. They were taking her to be married, that night, against her will.

Surprise!

-_-

It gave me chills. I could not believe my eyes. It’s one thing to hear people talk about, and another to see it actually happen.

These Chechen women have a number of ways that they reach out to others. However - the most remarkable is their use of “Forum Theatre”, which they played out for all of us attending the panel.

They use skits and role playing with the attendees of their workshops to build confidence and educate women about how they can change their situations. Of course, this isn’t meant to put the onus on the woman to be responsible for the crimes committed against her - but it is meant to empower her to at least be able to say “No” and to know what her rights are.

The example they used was a panelist who played the mother-in-law and another panelist who played a young woman.

The young woman was trying to leave home to go to work and what the woman said is loosely translated to

“Where do you think you are going? To work?! You can’t got to work. You will bring shame on the family. It is your duty to stay here and take care of me. You need to care for your children, cook food and do the laundry. And take that scarf off! You are a married woman! It is far too bright. What’re you trying to do, be a slut? And look at this jewelry…”

The young woman tried to resist, but the mother-in-law tore off her head scarf and jewelry. The young woman then submitted to her mother-in-law and went inside.

They then invited women from the audience to try and change the scene - but they were only allowed to take the place of the young woman.

The first woman tried, and got very flustered even though she had approached with a lot of confidence. She failed to change the mother’s mind.

The second woman said “Mother, you know I love you. And I will always be here to take care of you. Just because I go to work does not mean you will be forgotten. In fact, because I have an education and can work, it means we can both have a better life. By adding to your son’s income, we can have more than just bread on the table. I am a human being, and I have rights. I need to go to work not just for myself, but for you too.”

They hugged, and the mother let her go off.

Now - this is an ideal situation. Not the reality of most. But through education, we can see incremental changes that can end up being quite monumental. Changing cultural norms takes a long time, but things like this give women courage.

When the two women embraced - they cried. They stayed together for what seemed like a long time for two strangers.

The room was buzzing with energy and hope. They did not even speak the same language but shared something incredible. Hope.